Tuesday 23 July 2013

Fate II.

Unexpected things happen during the most unexpected times. It tends to leave you all baffled up and confused in your own realm. Disappointments after disappointments.. Some things are just out of your reach in order for you to fix it. 

 So yes, the past week has been.. surprisingly sad. Morbid. Depressing. And all of the other synonyms of sad you can think of right now. I have been emotionally distracted by everything around me, everything. From immense hopes and comments given by important individuals, to a level of confident that you just know that you're in reach of something that you've been yearning for, to being miserable on not achieving it in the end. I was on the verge of losing hope and just wanting to blindly accept everything. The ultimate question of all of these unfortunate events that has been bugging me was.. where did I go wrong? What is it that I did that eventually made everything end up the way it is now? I've even questioned myself on my grades and whatnot. And how my grades and the CGPA I've worked extremely hard for was meaningless, as if everything I've done was just a complete waste. I was obviously dwelled in a deep pool of pessimist thoughts for a while. But a pang of realisation woke me up from my own made up nightmare.. maybe, just maybe Allah wants to see how strong I was in confronting and handling these situations. How I can bear with these occurrences and just instill a little bit of patience in enduring a whole lump sum of it during Ramadhan. How I react to these situations.. Do I just linger around moaning and crying day in day out as if a fairy godmother will just emerge out of thin air and redo everything to the way I wanted it to be, or do I make an effort in trying to fix the situation. Or maybe He wants me to place all of my hopes onto Him, instead of placing hopes onto individuals who I think may have the power to make a difference in this situation. Or maybe I haven't been as close to Him as He wanted me to be previously and this situation has brought me closer to Him.. The maybes are endless. I just hope despite of everything that is happening, I'll rise to be a better person in the end. A stronger one. But at the end of the day, I just need to have some faith (maybe a lot really) and place my entire trust on Allah. Only Him. 

Thursday 11 July 2013

Just 19.

The previous post was just a correspondence to my birthday (a mere reminder for my own self) which was yesterday! 10th July wasn't much of a big deal for me, all of my birthdays ever since I could remember was just like any other days I have lived-- which was normal. But maybe this year's is a tad bit special because it was the 1st of Ramadhan! I practically drove around KL the whole morning and just lepaked at home for the rest of the day, watched Monsters University and Despicable Me 2 in bed. Yes, so that was what I generally did on my birthday. A superbly normal day on a birthday for a normal girl. 

And this is just an awfully normal written post. 

Because this girl is just out of words. 

And has nothing interesting to share. 

Yet. 

Your Age?

 Age doesn't define your maturity. Neither it defines your current state of well-being. It's just a numerical record in years of how long God has given the chance for you to remain on earth, breathing and alive. The chance for you to become somebody that is even better than the previous day, even if your deeds are just a millimetre bit extra. The chance for you to alter your life, to adjust it to the rules of your religion as stated in the Quran and hadith. The chance for you to do something that will eventually benefit other human beings, let it be a book, an invention, your ability to preach in the public or even a simple reminder on a post-it note. Chances to be able to breathe yet another day, that's what they are. It's an extra gift from God to correct the wrongdoings in the past. So, let it not be at waste. Aid the past, improve the current state and to plan what is best for the future. Every good deeds we do will inshaAllah, obtain His blessings.





O ye people! Adore your Guardian-Lord, who created you and those who came before you, that ye may have the chance to learn righteousness;

{Surah Al-Baqarah : 21}

Thursday 4 July 2013

Fate.

Have you ever had a moment where you have placed your utmost effort into obtaining a certain something? This certain something that you've been wanting and you actually did get it! But, that was only the first obstacle in order to grasp that something to turn it into a reality and there are many more ahead of you and you just can't seem to get through the rest..

 I just did. With a single word of a 'no' uttered, a dream shattered, hopes drenched with (non-existing) tears and that weight of sadness due to a word just buried me really low. It wasn't really something unexpected, it was all a 50-50 chance. More of like a luck. Something that I should or not be prepared for. Some have said that I should already be thankful with whatever I have achieved for now, the future is partly secured and I don't have to worry about it. I am thankful for it, don't worry. But that have made me realised, most of the things that you dream to have are certainly hard to achieve so it would be a such waste if I didn't try and have a go at it first. And I did try and I'd say it wasn't a waste at all. It's just great to have that feeling of being accepted into some place you've dreamed to go one day. So that feeling will just keep on haunting you for the many years to come so you will try your best in obtaining again it in the future. I'm surely not giving up. Just like most dreams, not all may come true. Some are just on hold for the time being, for later in the future. Some dreams are just meant to remained as dreams. Some may be replaced by an even better one. InshaAllah. As disappointed as I am right now going through these events, but hey, maybe this IS the path I'm supposed to struggle through. Maybe this is it. 'Takdir Allah adalah yang terbaik.' Accepting your fate is the greatest option!

 Allah works in His mysterious ways, His plans will always (no doubt) remain as the best.