Lost In My Own Realm.

Well, hello there.

Never did I learn to appreciate things the way they should be appreciated. Never did I spend time adequately on a specific task. Never did I have a fixed heart onto something for a quite length of time. Never did I have a lengthy attention span. Never did I have the courage to do something that is over the border of one's imagination.

This sums up my current well-being as an Architecture student.
Not regretting, just ranting.

I need to try harder for the better days to come.

Back to Square One.

Officially staying in Malaysia, after all. 

 The story started off with me being so vulnerable thinking there is a chance for me to actually fly off to Sheffield. And I did have that chance. I was accepted. Until the point that my sponsor didn't allow me to unless I terminate my current scholarship agreement and apply for a new one which doesn't seem promising.. Ok so that's that. Then there was this other story whereby I was given another course to pursue in UIA which was Urban Regional and Planning, that was really unexpected (refer to my endless rants of Fate II). Plan B, if I wasn't transferred into my wanted course, to Sheffield I shall go. (YES CONFUSING AS HECK) But in the end, I'm back to square one. I've been offered, yet again, but now for my long awaited course, Architecture. Alhamdulillah. That was the only thing I could say for now. 

 I have realised no matter how hard you try, if it's just not yours to begin with, you will stay on the same original spot. But there's a twist to it, if you didn't even try at all, you will never know your chances. Despite the missing opportunities and memories that may be created elsewhere, I'm grateful that I still have 3 years of sleepless nights ahead of me, accompanied by my girls that have forever been by my side ever since foundation year started. I guess I'll be seeing you lot in Gombak this September, inshaAllah.

Fate II.

Unexpected things happen during the most unexpected times. It tends to leave you all baffled up and confused in your own realm. Disappointments after disappointments.. Some things are just out of your reach in order for you to fix it. 

 So yes, the past week has been.. surprisingly sad. Morbid. Depressing. And all of the other synonyms of sad you can think of right now. I have been emotionally distracted by everything around me, everything. From immense hopes and comments given by important individuals, to a level of confident that you just know that you're in reach of something that you've been yearning for, to being miserable on not achieving it in the end. I was on the verge of losing hope and just wanting to blindly accept everything. The ultimate question of all of these unfortunate events that has been bugging me was.. where did I go wrong? What is it that I did that eventually made everything end up the way it is now? I've even questioned myself on my grades and whatnot. And how my grades and the CGPA I've worked extremely hard for was meaningless, as if everything I've done was just a complete waste. I was obviously dwelled in a deep pool of pessimist thoughts for a while. But a pang of realisation woke me up from my own made up nightmare.. maybe, just maybe Allah wants to see how strong I was in confronting and handling these situations. How I can bear with these occurrences and just instill a little bit of patience in enduring a whole lump sum of it during Ramadhan. How I react to these situations.. Do I just linger around moaning and crying day in day out as if a fairy godmother will just emerge out of thin air and redo everything to the way I wanted it to be, or do I make an effort in trying to fix the situation. Or maybe He wants me to place all of my hopes onto Him, instead of placing hopes onto individuals who I think may have the power to make a difference in this situation. Or maybe I haven't been as close to Him as He wanted me to be previously and this situation has brought me closer to Him.. The maybes are endless. I just hope despite of everything that is happening, I'll rise to be a better person in the end. A stronger one. But at the end of the day, I just need to have some faith (maybe a lot really) and place my entire trust on Allah. Only Him. 

Just 19.

The previous post was just a correspondence to my birthday (a mere reminder for my own self) which was yesterday! 10th July wasn't much of a big deal for me, all of my birthdays ever since I could remember was just like any other days I have lived-- which was normal. But maybe this year's is a tad bit special because it was the 1st of Ramadhan! I practically drove around KL the whole morning and just lepaked at home for the rest of the day, watched Monsters University and Despicable Me 2 in bed. Yes, so that was what I generally did on my birthday. A superbly normal day on a birthday for a normal girl. 

And this is just an awfully normal written post. 

Because this girl is just out of words. 

And has nothing interesting to share. 

Yet. 

Your Age?

 Age doesn't define your maturity. Neither it defines your current state of well-being. It's just a numerical record in years of how long God has given the chance for you to remain on earth, breathing and alive. The chance for you to become somebody that is even better than the previous day, even if your deeds are just a millimetre bit extra. The chance for you to alter your life, to adjust it to the rules of your religion as stated in the Quran and hadith. The chance for you to do something that will eventually benefit other human beings, let it be a book, an invention, your ability to preach in the public or even a simple reminder on a post-it note. Chances to be able to breathe yet another day, that's what they are. It's an extra gift from God to correct the wrongdoings in the past. So, let it not be at waste. Aid the past, improve the current state and to plan what is best for the future. Every good deeds we do will inshaAllah, obtain His blessings.

O ye people! Adore your Guardian-Lord, who created you and those who came before you, that ye may have the chance to learn righteousness;

{Surah Al-Baqarah : 21}

Fate.

Have you ever had a moment where you have placed your utmost effort into obtaining a certain something? This certain something that you've been wanting and you actually did get it! But, that was only the first obstacle in order to grasp that something to turn it into a reality and there are many more ahead of you and you just can't seem to get through the rest..

 I just did. With a single word of a 'no' uttered, a dream shattered, hopes drenched with (non-existing) tears and that weight of sadness due to a word just buried me really low. It wasn't really something unexpected, it was all a 50-50 chance. More of like a luck. Something that I should or not be prepared for. Some have said that I should already be thankful with whatever I have achieved for now, the future is partly secured and I don't have to worry about it. I am thankful for it, don't worry. But that have made me realised, most of the things that you dream to have are certainly hard to achieve so it would be a such waste if I didn't try and have a go at it first. And I did try and I'd say it wasn't a waste at all. It's just great to have that feeling of being accepted into some place you've dreamed to go one day. So that feeling will just keep on haunting you for the many years to come so you will try your best in obtaining again it in the future. I'm surely not giving up. Just like most dreams, not all may come true. Some are just on hold for the time being, for later in the future. Some dreams are just meant to remained as dreams. Some may be replaced by an even better one. InshaAllah. As disappointed as I am right now going through these events, but hey, maybe this IS the path I'm supposed to struggle through. Maybe this is it. 'Takdir Allah adalah yang terbaik.' Accepting your fate is the greatest option!

 Allah works in His mysterious ways, His plans will always (no doubt) remain as the best.

Architorture, You Say?

It's quite hilarious how the first thing that pops into one's mind after saying 'I'm currently taking Architecture' is 'I bet you don't sleep at all'. Well, news flash guys! We do sleep! And sometimes, over sleep as well.

 I somehow made my way back to CFS IIUM this morning to collect my transcripts, but sadly they wouldn't give it to me unless I send them an official letter from the university that requested for it. So there goes the petrol, wasted. But I had a chance of meeting one of my juniors back in MRSM Langkawi. There's a plus to everything! The optimist Aisyah has taken the lead! Since it was her first week after taaruf session, she was a tad bit (or perhaps maybe a lot) confused on the things that are occurring in campus. Her class schedule wasn't complete and usually during the first week, everybody would be class-free. So there were these various jumbled up questions that were playing in her mind about the course Architecture, CFS itself and even on the guards. I've stumbled across many weird, I repeat many, situations beforehand. And obviously have shared it with her. So I might as well share a few bits and bobs on my experiences throughout my foundation year of being an Architecture student since the other bloggers that my junior have stumbled on tend to write about the things that these freshies would not want to hear, just yet.

Being in a course which requires your vast knowledge as well as your ability to come out with extraordinary designs, drawing skills and such is honestly not easy. That is for sure. But these abilities can and will be developed over each projects, assignments and by your own effort to improve on them as well. Foundation in Architecture is supposed to be something joyful and it is! Well I surprisingly had a blast in the midst of the days of being a nocturnal, a week of being blunt of ideas and a day of complete trashy presentations by yours truly, you name it. But you know what, experience is the best teacher after all. After a while, you'll get used to these whacky nonsense (wait, it does make sense) really. You will learn how to develop yourself day by day. You will learn how to think more creatively. You will learn to train yourself be more equipped next time. You will raise yourself onto a whole new level. And these things are pretty much important. And in terms of the reading subjects, just read, understand, memorise like what you would do to score that Sejarah SPM paper. Well, that was how I did it in the end. Place in extra effort than usual! And don't forget, it's not all about your techniques or your tips and tricks on doing certain things that will somehow magically stamp perfect As on your exam papers and projects, your constant ibadah is essential to make this work. What are all of the things we have learnt or done without the blessings of Allah? Pray for His guidance, always, so that we will always be on the right track and so that He will ease our journey on fulfilling part of our deen and also our dream. I ended my foundation year with a somewhat so-so result. I wasn't a top scorer, never have been. I tend to goof around and well obviously the noisiest in the class, with an extra pitchy voice in that package. But, Alhamdulillah, it was good enough for me to continue one of my dreams of being an architect someday. InshaAllah.

I'm proud to say that I'm over and done with my Foundation in Architecture and Environmental Design in CFS IIUM!

And yes, I still have a long long long long way to go and foundation is nothing compared to the years I'll be going through in the future. Truth be told, tons of memories were created there and they will forever be remembered.

Definitely a New Kick-off.

We tend to give chances freely to the things we love rather than the things we despise although those things have let us down uncountable of times. Why?

 I am trying to rejuvenate my love for blogging and giving it another go after a lengthy hiatus. I remembered how my posts used to consist of the au-courant 'Aisyah's life' issues, the latest updates on tv shows, music, an appalling amount of my j'adore and je déteste and what not. It was more or less an online diary of mine that I dwelled in blindly. But I believe that somehow an immense amount of those petty matters are honestly not worthy of sharing. To be frank, they were quite useless to myself and probably to you readers as well. Those pointless posts will be locked safe for memories' sake. InshaAllah, this new one will somehow be a refreshing start but by the same lass, just well improved. Of Aisyah's hopes and dreams, perpetual thoughts, life adventures, issues that can be reminders to all of us and definitely, inspirations.

I just hope this one will last.